Well, 2016, this is for you.
You've been great to me by giving me blessings I never asked.
First, a person, who I can say, I could never meet another one like him. He was really a kind-hearted, selfless, one of a kind kid that you will feel truly blessed just having the chance to have a friend like him. I can't say that I was happy all throughout the time I am with him but I can't deny the fact that I had a great time just being with him. My year had really been full of silliness because of him, but I don't regret it. A crush that should never be. :)
Next, friendship. All my life, I struggle much on searching for the real meaning of friendship. I used to be a loner. I always feel out of place within a group. I tend to stay away when I feel like I can't relate to people anymore. Yet, you have been good to me. I realized that I have too much negativity in my mind that I neglect the care and concern that people give to me. I think too much of my pathetic self without realizing that people around me are affected too, and that they too are concerned, because they are my friends. I really didn't think that they love me, because I thought that I can never be loved the way a friend could. But here I am, believing in them, enjoying the time I get to have with them, trusting them, and feeling blessed to have them. :)
Next, strength, emotionally. Going through the several heartaches about love and friendship, such strength builds up inside me. I realized that not all people will be there for me. That I shouldn't beg for attention. That I shouldn't beg for importance. That I am also worthy of those things, and that people who see me as worthy for those will be there for me, even if I don't ask for it. That it's better if they show it unexpectedly than trying to make them do it. It sounded bitter, yeah, but it just helps on giving myself some respect. I worry too much of what people will think of me that I try to blend with them, and expecting them to appreciate me. Forgetting that I don't have to please everyone. It's only now that I really understand that fewer friends are better at least they are the REAL ones. Than too many friends, but you're just someone to them. If I tried my best to be a friend to them, but they don't seem to notice, maybe I have to step back and leave it. :)
Well, those are the good ones. Unfortunately, I have one, just one negative thing that maybe affected me so much in relation to what I just said. Faith. I lost faith in your year, 2016. Faith in God, faith in myself, faith in people around me, faith in my family. I lost faith when it seems like I should be having it. I lost faith that God is there for me. I lost faith that I will find happiness this year. I lost faith that He hears my prayers. I lost faith that He's just giving me what I deserve. I'm too frustrated in Love, Friendship and Trust that I lost faith in Him. Maybe I'm just not a good Christian, that's why. I tried to. I just don't know what else is wrong. He said I should seek for Him with all my heart, I tried. All that's left are questions. Questions that are unanswered. Until now. They are still unanswered. Same questions. Still unanswered. I've been asking those questions for a long time. Not only for this year. I think almost every year. Yet there are no answers. It's really frustrating, isn't it?
Now, 2016, you're about to go. You left me memories that can never be taken away. I can say that I will end your year hopeless. Because I am, and will be, the same pessimistic person I've always been. Never finding the essence of real happiness in life. Still I thank you. Because I get to live in your year. I still got the chance to see how you will leave. I just wish that watching you leave is as easy as watching a person close to you leave. One thing I ask for, please ask 2017 to give me more hope and strength in his year. I may end his year the same as how I end yours, but I'm still hoping to find myself more in his year. I'm still hoping to find what will really make me happy. I'm still hoping for a better me. Funny isn't it? I lost faith, but I still have hope. :)
Welcome 2017!
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